theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
