3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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