I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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