you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
