Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Congratulations! We have a period
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