There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
