If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
