just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
