Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
