If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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