What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
