I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
