Moan for me like Helen Keller
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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