i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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