the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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