Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
