Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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