The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
