She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I made him laugh his dick is mine
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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