Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
