Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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