I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
