everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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