My friends, they love my intelligence
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
