So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
