Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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