seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
