I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
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