he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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