A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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