honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
