Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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