Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
