i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
