so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
