The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
