Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
