Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Randomize
