Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Randomize
