Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
