Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Randomize
