my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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