During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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