Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
