can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
