Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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