i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
