is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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