nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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