I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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